One Day at a Time

I just want to curl up in a ball and cry and cry and cry.

The deal I have been painstakingly negotiating for the (discount) sale of my practice appears to be falling through. I have been working on closing this deal at substantial loss of expected revenue, just so that I can cut my losses and move on to Atlanta to be reunited with Hubby already. And after weeks of phone tag and trying to reach this potential buyer, today we had a conversation which completely disheartened me. So, most likely, I am back to square one.

I feel so deeply and completely stressed. The practice is suffering. All my patients know we are leaving and they are not referring or maintaining long term schedules. I haven't been investing time and money into marketing since I figured I would be long gone before the campaign bore fruit. I have been so distracted (plus I have all new staff) that I haven't been giving the practice the full energy it deserves. So we are short on cash flow and patient flow and positive energy, which doesn't make going to work easy.

I miss my husband. I am trying to suck up my stress and my short-tempered likelihood to go berserk at moments notice and I am struggling to be a good Mama and have meaningful interchanges with my children. Sadly, I fear I am over relying on Dora and her ilk to "keep 'em busy" while I do other important things like laundry and meals and keeping the house ready to show and the finances and sneaking time on the computer for fun (and sanity). My fuse is getting shorter and shorter every day.

I am a person of deep spirituality. I believe the Universe will always tell us the right thing to do. I have committed to this leap of faith in dropping everything and moving to Georgia because Brian is so deeply needed there and we are committed to what he is helping the chiropractor profession achieve. But as I wait day after day after day for the "rest of the Universe's plan" to be revealed I am losing faith. I don't feel like I can do this for another 4 months or 6 months or year or whatever the process ends up becoming.



So, now I need to remind myself of the brass tacks: What Really Matters.


1. My family is all healthy and well. I have three beautiful children who are good and loving kids.
2. My husband is only gone temporarily. I am not really a single mom.

3. I have work that I am intensely passionate about both in my daily practice and in my long term birth and educational projects.

4. I have extended friends and family who pitch in whenever possible to ease my burden.

5. Although finances are very tight right now, I have a comfortable home and healthy food available at all times.

6. I have more strength and more stamina than I know. And I am growing stronger and more determined to stand up for what I know to be true from this experience.

7. I am loved.




Life goes on, even as I feel all my hope for a reunion of my family in the near future dwindling. Gabe turned FIVE today. We are having a good day (more so than not) because that is what being a parent is all about. I will not let my stress and doubts keep my children from having a happy childhood. Even for one summer.