Wednesday, June 29, 2005

The Long List of Terror

On Friday I am going to the Land of Plenty to visit my sweet hubby and to look at houses.

My older children are going to Brian's sister's house to spend the weekend so that I can actually see houses rather than wrangle children all weekend. We don't know any babysitters in the Southland yet and frankly don't feel like shelling out another $600 in plane tickets, dragging three children through an airport, on to an airplane, and then sitting there for 2 hours, twice. So, I'm just bringing Peevers, who sits in my lap for free and is easily transported.

Until I arrive in Atlanta, my TO DO list is as follows:

1. Work until 7:00 pm tonight.
2. Pick up kids at sitters.
3. Go to Y and swim.
4. Stop at Target to get a computer disc so I can download the damn file of the photo of my house that the dratted House Selling People just cannot seem to upload via email even though they have already received all the other ones taken by the exact same camera in the exact same way!!!!! I paid them two weeks ago and still do not have my house listed on their website!
5. Arrive home around 9:00 pm.
6. Begin laundry.
7. Give kids a snack and put them to bed around 10:00.
8. Continue laundry.
9. Put kids back to bed 10:15.
10. Nurse Peevers back to sleep around 10:20.
11. Tidy kitchen and run dishwasher to keep ant population in check. (Must sell house.)
12. Put kids back to bed and actually lie there with them until they fall asleep around 10:30
13. Wake up at 3:00 am and realize I never got back up from putting kids to bed to turn off lights and take out contacts. Get up and do so.
14. Wake up with kids at 7:30 am.
15. Make coffee.
16. Feed kids breakfast.
17. Bring laundry up from basement, fold and sort.
18. Continue trying to feed children healthy protein-acious food while they are begging for a popsicle at 8:00 am.
19. Go on line and pay a few bills that cannot wait until after the weekend.
20. Negotiate truce with whining children: One bowl of cereal, then a popsicle outside!
21. Check email.
22. Become sucked into blog world.
23. Children interrupt morning blog fog by screeching for promised popsicle.
24. Peevers can be put off no longer is escalating fussiness. Nurse Peevers while watching trashy morning television and occasionally peering at children outside in their pajamas.
25. Realize Gabe is now naked. Go outside and force him to come back in and get dressed again.
26. Begin packing all the things the kids will need at Aunt Jodi's this weekend.
27. Observe that the kids are now swimming in the wading pool in their pajamas.
28. Continue packing kid's stuff including toys, movies, diapers for Quin and snacks for the car.
29. In separate bag, begin packing self and Peevers for trip to Atlanta.
30. Search for wallet and photo ID.
31. Strip down wet children and start up Dora the Explorer video for them.
32. Remember that the dog must go somewhere too and throw bag of dog food in back of van. Aunt Jodi loves dogs, right?
33. Outfit diaper bag for plane trip including camera, trashy novel and baby sling.
34. Begin loading van.
35. Arbitrate argument between kids over Scooby Doo vs Baby Doolittle.
36. Find Peevers has completely squirmed out of her baby seat onto the floor near the other kids and now has jelly (!?!) in her hair. She doesn't protest until you rinse her head in the sink.
37. Nurse Peevers again.
38. Look at watch. Realize you now have 45 minutes to finish packing, shower self and dress self and all three children.
39. Lose mind.
40. Regain mind 3 minutes after leaving the house to drive into town.
41. Think: "Did I remember everything? I know I must have forgotten something important."
42. Remember that dog was left sitting on sofa. Remember that I never downloaded the dratted photo of house.
43. Go back and get dog.
44. Drive to babysitters. Only 40 minutes late so far.
45. Arrive at the office at the same time as first patient arrives. No time for prepping for day at work.
46. Work (with dog locked in back room, barking occasionally).
47. Realize you have eaten nothing and are running on fumes of 2 cups of coffee for breakfast.
48. Send assistant to grocery store to buy a sandwich. Answer phone yourself while adjusting patients and scheduling new appointments. (Note assistant deserves raise.)
49. Finish with last patient and run to car. Run back for dog.
50. Eat sandwich while driving to pick up kids at babysitters.
51. Start Dora video as you drive out of sitter's driveway. Hand out PB & J sandwiches. Dole out sippy cups. Force Gabe to put seatbelt on properly.
52. Hit highway at 7:00 pm
53. Drive 400 miles. (Only stopping 6 times for bathroom breaks and nursing meltdowns).
54. Arrive at SIL's and unload each sleeping child. Incoherent of time.
55. Wake up via strange alarm clock at 5:30 am. Sneak away from sleeping children and get back in van.
56. Drive 3 hours to Milwaukee Airport (the nearest direct flight to Atlanta).
57. Sit at gate and eat crappy fastfood breakfast while guzzling sweet delicious mocha.
58. Fly to Atlanta.

I'll stop there: I think. You get. The picture. (Extra Credit-What movie quote is that, smarties?)


hubby said...'re funny....and the movie quote is "I think I get the point" from My Cousin Vinny. Other gems from that movie include "what you keep axing about chinese food for, can't you see they don't have any chinese restaurants" and "everything that guy said is bullshit...thank you." and "i'll be honest wit you, I could use a good ass-kickin" there's just too many to count from that film.

Anna Banana said...

Quit terrifying new parents!!!!!