Thursday, February 02, 2006

Better Than D'oh

I'm going for a job interview this morning. I have not yet ventured into the closet for the humiliating Dance of Doom with my myriad wardrobe pieces that don't quite fit right. FUN!

The Nursing Strike has waned, with only brief interludes of crying, picketing and so on. Poor baby now has a nasty cough which wakes her (and me and Hubby) about every half hour all night long. Then occasionally she will cough so hard it causes her to vomit into my snuggly bed. Yummy!

In happier news, Banana Girl has invented a new mommy catchphrase which exactly sums up the frustration bordering on violence moms feel toward their offspring on occasion (Yes! We all feel this way sometimes! It's okay. It is the hallmark of a real Mama. Just own it and move on.)

Honey Girl: "Mama? Agua? Mama! Mama! Mama! Agua!" (While forcing a Dora sippy cup upon Banana for no discernible reason whilst Banana is fully in the throes of an early morning "Dammit, I Really didn't Feel Like Getting Up Yet, Much Less Have You Dribble Water All Over My Pajamas" moment.)

Banana Girl: "Child! I want to squish your brains!" (with squeezing hand gesture)

Me: Bwaa Ha ha ha ha!

Try it! It feels good! It is on point emotionally without having the realistic possibilities of other common threats (I could just choke you etc...). In fact, it is just silly enough to snap a mommy back to reality and help her see how ludicrous her epic battle of reasoning with toddlers can be. So, give in, throw out a fabulous but impossible threat and get on with your day.

I'm Going To Squeeze Your Brains!

I'm telling you, it's sweeping the nation!

6 comments:

Patrick said...

Good luck with the job interview! (I'm sure things went well, as long as you left this site off your resume.)

Was it a practice opportunity, or a teaching job? Give my love to Dr. P., Dr. B., and the rest of your chiro-crew.

Patrick

P.S. Random feedback: I loved the risque photos of action figures in compromising positions. I felt a little dirty looking at Hello Kitty wearing nothing but breadcrusts, but maybe that's the reaction your little scultptress was going for.

Mike Lienau said...

hi Mary.
Mike L - headed down your way next week. I lost all your contact info though. Can you email me ? I want to meet up with you and hubby and the kids if i can.

clickmom said...

Wow, I don't know you in real life, feeling a bit left out, but was going to say, I typically break the tension with "I will tickle you til you stop." It doesn't have the same attitude as the brain squeeze, but it works for us.

Mar said...

Clickmom,

When I am less spastic and frustrated, I tend to say: "I'm gonna tickle you until your butt falls off." Which is pretty messed up too. But brain squishing threats seems much more cathartic somehow. Try it! I'm tellin' ya!

Sarah said...

love the saying. I'll have to use it when the time (inevitably) becomes appropriate :o)

hope the job interview went well! you remembered to wear something aside or hopefully in addition to underwear, no?

Kris said...

Let us know how it went! can't wait to see you this wknd, did you get my email??