Hostage: One wee silky My First Hello Kitty, abandoned in our minivan by visitors from Milwaukee.
(*note the way we have bound her wee arms behind her back to prevent escape)
Ransom demanded: One case of squirt and a bottle of vodka.
But you'd better send the vodka and squirt soon or else poor Hello Kitty will be abandoned yet again, but this time to the whims of my multiple offspring. Bwa Ha Ha Ha!
( A few of you didn't know what a freak I can be yet, didcha? Now you know.)